Saturday, April 10, 2021

NEWSPAPER PUBLISHED WEEKLY ON THURSDAY

My Little Mayberry
FILTHY LUCRE

Pundits of the past used the term, “filthy lucre”. Lucre is from the Latin, lucrum. It’s the root of the word lucrative. I don’t know about you, but I think lucrum sounds hilarious.

But the fact that money really is filthy is not funny. In the article, “Money Under the Microscope” NYU researchers discovered more than 3,000 distinct types of bacteria on dollar bills.

The most common germ was one causing acne. Another reason not to give your kids an allowance (harrrrrrr).

Also thriving on these bills were germs for gastric ulcers, pneumonia, staph, and nasty antibiotic-resistant genes.

In Japan folks go to an ATM to get their yen pressed between hot rollers, baking it at 392 degrees to kill germs. This time of year Colusans could just leave the cash on a hot sidewalk? Just an idea. Cheaper than going to Japan.

Some experts suggest the use plastic notes as Mexico and Australia have instead of cotton based. I guess they didn’t read the journal of Antimicrobial Resistance and Infection Control’s 2013 study stating that bacteria samples survived the longest on plastic polymers.

Ok, you say, I’ll use my credit card and forgo paper money all together. Sorry to disappoint, Florida’s St. Petersburg College researchers discovered that MRSA (methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus) and E. coli. LOVE credit cards.

They are what CDC’s Melissa Dankel calls “a natural fomite”, an inanimate object that can transmit disease. Sounds like a curse. “You fomite, you!

Some metals help kill germs – like silver. Conceivably, credit card makers could coat cards. Yeah, I bet they wouldn’t charge us much for that.

Or the Feds could go to coins instead of paper currency. I can’t imagine us all bouncing around little money sacks filled with silver $1, $5, $10, $20 coins as if we were in perpetual Renaissance fair.

Although the costumes would be fun. And think how pretty those matching latex gloves will look…

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